


No Children

by NewtDewt



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Death mention tw, Drifting, Getting Together, M/M, Songfic technically, its a bit disorganized I apologize, repressing feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-09 21:31:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18925381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewtDewt/pseuds/NewtDewt
Summary: As they placed the pons system on their heads together they both had the same thoughts, though neither would want to admit that their brains were the same. That they were intrinsically connected and woven so tightly that nothing could sever them.Each had the fleeting thought that they wished to die together, if they were to die. Each had the thought that they couldn’t live in a world that did not contain the other.





	No Children

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by No Children by The Mountain Goats, but not exactly. I tend to read the song as something where you say the opposite of what you want so you don’t jinx it, so that’s how this is written. 
> 
> Tumblr is @NewtDewt feel free to message Newmann requests!

Sometimes Tendo still asked Newton if he was okay after a particularly loud argument took place in the mess hall. He would follow Newt to his room and listen to raspy shrieks for hours trying to calm him down, the entire time wearing a knowing smirk. He’d never explicitly told Tendo that he was in love with Hermann, skirting around the issue and hoping that it would eventually resolve itself.   
All these years later it still hadn’t resolved itself.   
Newton had half a mind to write a note to Tendo thanking him for that. Asking him to consider doing it forever. Something meaningful— anything meaningful.   
His hands were shaking too bad to hold a pen. Equal parts manic energy and fear surged through him as he ranted into his tape recorder, a last spiteful remark driven towards Hermann before he pressed the button.   
He regretted the remark when he woke up wrapped in the arms of a frantic Hermann Gottlieb. His cane was discarded somewhere to the side and he was on the floor with him, hands cradling his face as his eyes searched him for any signs of distress.   
“You’re alive.” He breathed out, barely above a whisper. Newt couldn’t recall the last time Hermann had spoken so quietly to him. So gently. His voice sounded like Newt had imagined it reading his letters all those years ago, and his heart was rolling in pain at that thought. That and the feeling of drifting with a kaiju. He couldn’t stop shaking.   
“Of course I am. I knew it would work.” He lies through his chattering teeth. Hermann flinched. Newt thought he could see the beginnings of an argument and he wished so desperately for Hermann to fight him so he could ignore the feelings stirring in his chest.   
Instead Hermann cried. When the first tear his Newt’s face he felt the weight of his actions crash down on him as he clung to Herman’s tweed jacket and trembled.   
“You— you! You horrible little man! You can’t just die! You can’t leave me!” Hermann’s sobs turned to shouts as he kept a tight hold on Newt.   
“I...I’m so sorry...”   
Hermann dried his tears before finally making his way to his cane and standing. He wouldn’t make eye contact with Newt— couldn’t. 

He had been prepared to tell Newton he was an idiot when he heard the techs talking about stolen garbage. He had been prepared to burst into the lab and find Newton tinkering with his horrible machine and tear it to pieces with his bare hands if he had to.   
He hadn’t been prepared to see him seizing on the floor and bleeding from his nose. He wasn’t prepared for the wave of fear that crashed through him and nearly knocked him to his knees as the only thing he could think was  
Not now.   
Not him.   
When he returned to the lab he had tried to prepare himself for the possibility of finding Newton dead. He could never get past the thought of Newton being gone. Idiotic foolhardy Newton. Beautiful intelligent Newton.   
He wondered how long he’d been in love, but decided that didn’t matter quite yet. He could wait a few more hours. He could wait.   
As they placed the pons system on their heads together they both had the same thoughts, though neither would want to admit that their brains were the same. That they were intrinsically connected and woven so tightly that nothing could sever them.   
Each had the fleeting thought that they wished to die together, if they were to die. Each had the thought that they couldn’t live in a world that did not contain the other.   
Hermann couldn’t wait.   
“Newton wait just one moment.” Hermann turned and reached for the smaller man as he stopped counting down. He knew that Newton would find out in the drift, and yet he felt the need to make sure he knew. He felt he would die if he didn’t let the words out.   
“I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you. I was born to love you.” The word shot directly through Newt’s heart and knocked the wind from his lungs.   
“Hermann—I, you. You. I love you. We’re going to save the world and I will never leave your side.” He tugged Hermann’s horrible tie and pressed a rough kiss to his mouth before pressing the button.   
As the breach closed they found their hands intertwined. The drift had revealed every misspoken word, every biting insult covering declarations of love, every wish to never part. As their friends screamed to the heavens in victory, they found themselves drowning in the bliss that cane from being alive and together. They would forever be drowning— no land in sight as they rested at the bottom of a breachless ocean hand in hand.


End file.
